Focus

So for a few weeks I kind of felt a little stuck.. ..I am 7 months through my year out and it has been going amazingly!! I have been loving every minute..I have spent some beautiful hours talking to God, listening, worshiping and reading. But I kind of got to a point where it felt like I couldn’t do it anymore, which is weird I know!! But I just couldn’t do it, I would try to worship and would get distracted, sit down to pray and my mind would wonder off before I even started (I know everyones mind wonder at points but this was worse than normal)

 I even went to Mobilise during this time which was a big conference for students and 20’s and I was sure this would be able to kick me back in to gear!! The talks were good and the worship was amazing…but for me as I ‘worshiped’ I felt that I was just singing…there was no depth to it! I was there I was hearing what was said..I was understanding it and agreeing with it. But would I say that I really met with God during those 4 days…I’m not so sure! I felt stuck…distance…and no matter how hard I tried I found that I just couldn’t get close to God! 

I remember a few times I would have my eyes closed during the event and all I could see was white….it felt as if I was the only person in the room, it was as if everyone else had vanished and it was just me and the empty whiteness. At the time I didn’t understand it, the first thought that came in to my head, was oh brilliant not only can I not engage the way I want to but now I I don’t even feel like Im surround by other people who ARE meeting with God in amazing ways!

At the time I had no idea how I got to this place!! I didn’t understand why I couldn’t do it anymore, its was as if I had given up…I think the longer it went on for the more I felt disheartened and I guess I kind of gave up a little. What was wrong with me, where was God, what had I done wrong?!  I know this sounds terrible but I actually reached a point where I felt I couldn’t prayer anymore…when I did pray it felt fake…

And then one day I was in the kitchen at home with Adam Seth and Hannah (I think we were making cakes) and as usually they were so excited that they were picking up all the ingredients and asking to mix and break the eggs and lick the spoon…all before I was ready to start and had explained what we were going to do…it was at the point where Hannah asked…” what’s that word you always say”  and as she said it, I remember the word I had started using with them over the last few weeks in order to get the attention and to help get the whatever we were doing done, the amount of times I had said focus in the previous few weeks was ridiculous and it was only in that moment when Hannah asked what the word was…did everything fall in to place and start making sense!!

Within minutes of her asking the question so many different things from the last few week ran through my head, its as if the one word…FOCUS….answered so many questions, it fitted in to so many different events and thoughts from the last few weeks. And I had been using the word over and over again and it wasn’t until a 4 year old pointed it out that I took notice of the word, that word that really…I had been telling myself!!! But just hadn’t realised!!!

And during that moment of realisation, it was as if God took a big sigh of relief and was like…Finally…she’s got it!! Like that moment when you are trying to explain something to someone and they are just not understanding and then all of a sudden it clicks!! 

I finally realised that for a few weeks I had lost focus…I had forgotten what this year was about…who the year was for!! I’m not doing this year for me.. I had planned to give the year to God, yet it was as if I had taken the reigns back again. I had started to think that I could do things myself, I had got so wrapped up in life, in writing lists and just getting things done, that I had forgotten, why I was doing them…I had lost sight of God in the whole thing! My focus had moved away from God and had just gone on to getting things done….

For the next week or two focus became a key word…during a prayer meeting James talked about how for the various visions and things that the church has at the moment, we need to remained focused on God.  One Sunday morning the talk was so simply yet so relevant and important it was  for me at the time…its was exactly what I needed to hear!! Nathan spoke about the wonders of God, he reminded us of how big God is and how small I am!

Also during that same week the the lyrics from Whitney Houston’s song  ‘I look to you’ kept going round in my head!  Relevant

I look to you,
I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong

Things had got so busy, and I was involved in so many different areas of the church, that I was just living day by day working through lists just to get things done and I was failing to keep God at the center of it all…He was the reason I was doing it, I wasn’t doing all these things so I could be praised by people…I was doing it for God!!

As soon as I put my focus back on to God everything got easier again, I could pray and not get so distracted, I could worship and really mean it. I let things be less about me and what I could do and more about God and what he can do!!!

A long overdue update

So I’ve kinda been a little rubbish at keeping this blog up to date, I have all these ideas of things that I want to write about and then I never seem to be able to find the time to actually get them done! I currently have 3 posts that I have started but not yet finished! For a while I was getting annoyed that I wasn’t getting them done, that there wasn’t enough time in the day to even reply properly to messages that had been sent. But then I remember something that I used to say to my mum and dad all the time….if you don’t hear from me then it means I’m fine, I’m more likely to contact you if there is a problem!! And this made me think…I realised that although I’m not getting everything done that I would really love to….that’s a actually a good thing!! Surely not having enough time is better than me having loads of time on my hands, of being bored, of wanting to be in contact with everyone at home all the time!!

But because I haven’t been in as much contact as I would like to, I thought I’d give you all a little update of life in Guernsey! 

Before I left England I decided that if I was going to give this year to God, I was going to do it properly!! I really wanted to throw myself in to whatever this year had to hold! To step out, to say yes to things instead of no, to be brave, to get involved and I really just wanted to make the most of every opportunity. And here I am five months in and I think I can say that I have really being trying to do this! And you know….I am loving every minute!!!!

The first few months before Christmas, I think I was still kind of finding my feet a little but since coming back I feel as if I have really settled, and know that this is where I am meant to be for this time!

So heres a few things that have been happening….

We have recently finished running a Youth Alpha course!  Although there was a lot of work to be done for the whole thing….it was soo worth it!!! We had between 40 and 50 young people coming each week, and I don’t know if it was because they could play a game of bowling and get a decent meal all of £2, or whether they actually wanted to hear the talk?! BUT to be honest does it really matter…they were there week after week and were able to hear about God and about his love! Over the course we had, young people become Christians, young people be filled with the Holy Spirit for the first time, we had some who spoke in tongues for the first time, we had an atheist who is now part of church, new friendships were built, old friendships were made stronger, some young people who had never stepped foot in a church apart from a wedding or a funeral, were able to just experience the feeling of being excepted, of not being judges, of not having to perform in a certain way because that how the world makes them think they should, and it gave them a chance to loved and appreciated for who they are! 

I am so glad that I got to be a part of the whole thing, not only because I got to see God move in each of the young people’s lives over the 8 weeks, but also because I was able to step out, to do things I had never done before. I mean..I'm not the creative type..but I designed the flyer. I don't stand up and talk in front of people..but I did one of the talks. I'm not the organised type...but I did a lot of organising for the weekend retreat, and you know...although it was all a bit scary and not what I am used to...I actually really loved doing it all!

On the 3^rd and 4^th of March we ran a 24-7 prayer event!! This again was something so amazing to be a part of. This is one of the things that I really know God wanted me to be a part of! His plan for this had started before I even got to Guernsey. Michele, a lady who recently moved over to Guernsey from England, had briefly been involved in a 24-7 Prayer before she moved and had been praying for someone who had a heart for the prayer moment. And it sounds a little strange for me to say this…but I think that person was me! Although 24-7 is growing all over the world….it hadn’t really reached Guernsey. 

Like many churches, the one that I had joined were having their weekly prayer meetings, in the standard prayer meeting style…but the numbers of people that came were low... sometimes as low as 2…peoples passion and excitement for prayer..seemed a little non-existent and we really wanted to encourage people to be excited about prayer…prayer is amazing! Its our way of being able to talk the our creator, he wants to hear from us he wants us to look forward to meeting with him..not think of it as a chore, or something on our long list of things to do and something that often gets pushed to the bottom. 

Michele and I started meeting on a regular basis to discuss and pray about the possible of doing a 24-1…during this time, we also found that the was another lady in the church who has been involved in 24-7 before and was excited to see something happening in Guernsey. 

There were a few slip ups on the way were we got a bit carried away with our plans and stopped listening to Gods plan, but when we got back on track….God really started to bless us! And everything came together…we weren’t really sure how it was going to work…were people going to be willing to get involved? Where they going to get it? Where they going to sign up and pray in the middle of the night?! We honestly didnt know...but we were so sure that this is something that God wanted us to and so we put our trust in him!!   

And sure enough as we stepped out people began to fill the spaces…it took a little while to convince people but soon we had all the slots filled! On the Thursday before we cleared the space we were going to use and began to set up to room…and all three of us involved sensed how God filled the space as we spent more time in there setting up and preparing…God was preparing to meet with his people. He was helping to make the space welcoming , safe and special, and as we started our first hour of prayer...with just a few of us in the room worshipping God, it felt like the room was FULL of people! It was sooo exciting to see 24-7 come alive in our little church in Guernsey, right in front of our eyes . And so the 24 hours of prayer had started, each filled with individuals, couples, groups or friends, all not really knowing what to expect but all brave enough to give it a go! And the people prayed!! They engaged with the room, they didn’t hold back, people painted their prayers…possible for the first time ever! People met with God in an intimate way which maybe they don’t get to do very often! There were luggage tag prayers hanging all over the room, names of the lost, the hurting, the broken were written across the floor.

By the end of the 24 hours it was so clear that the place had been used to its full potential and that God had bless the people that had been brave enough to sign up for their first prayer slot. 

For me it was so amazing to see it happen….It is something that I had wanted to do before I came to Guernsey and something that Michelle and I had been praying about for a while and so it was just soo good to see Gods plan actually taking place. I think as well… I just loved hearing and seeing people’s reactions to the whole experience...I really love prayer rooms and how God uses them and it was great to be able to help provide a chance for other to experience one! The church were amazing at getting involved and engaged and we are so excited about doing another one soon but this time for longer!! 

I am absolutely loving being here in Guernsey...I am doing more then I ever thought I would be able to do...I feel like I have been able to step out of my comfort zone and do things that before I would have said no to! and I'm actually finding that I quite enjoy doing things that are a little bit scary!!!

As I came to the end of my degree I still had no idea what was going to be my next step. There were a few different options that I was considering, one of them was to stay at home and spend the year with a 24-7 prayer community, helping with a prayer spaces in schools team. However, I knew that I was meant to go away and although being involved in prayer spaces seemed like such good idea and an amazing opportunity, I knew I couldn’t stay. Having made the decision to come to Guernsey, it was even harder when I would hear about new things that were going to happen at home, new opportunities arising in schools, which I would have soooo loved to be involved with. Spending a week going in to schools with LZ7 was incredible and all the time, I kept thinking about how amazing it would be to do schools work full time.

A week or so before I left for Guernsey, I was handed a piece of paper with the contact details of a lady named Becky, who lives in Guernsey and had just done her first Prayer space in a school in Guernsey!!!  God wanted me in Guernsey but he also knew that I had a heart for schools work and so I kinda think he allowed me to do something that I wanted where he wanted!!!

Within the first week of being in Guernsey, I contacted Becky and was able to meet with her soon after. When we met, Becky was able to show me how and what they had done in their first prayer space in a school. I think having had some experience of being involved in prayer spaces in schools before, it was nice for the two of us to talk, as Becky had never seen a prayer space in action, before running her own. I was able to share the experiences that I had had with prayer space and she was able to show me what they had done in the first one that she had run. She was also able to ask questions and it was nice to be able to encourage her and tell her that things were very much the same as how we would do them!

So a few weeks ago I was able to take part in helping with a prayer space in a Guernsey school. And oh how it was different!!!! Well it was very much the same…but the kids where very different..or so I thought. On Monday afternoon a team headed in to the school and set up the prayer space in the school’s library. The teacher that had helped Becky get in to the school, had already covered the bookcases in sheets and removed the chairs and tables for us.

So on Tuesday morning, I arrive at this school…..which doesn’t really look like a school more like a really big house, with a big drive way…there are no huge fences or gates that make the place look like a some form of prison, there were no kids hanging around  outside. And as I walk in to the school…the place was sooo quiet, I enter the office and say that I am here with the prayer space team...I am asked to sign in and told to go straight through…there were no security doors, no buttons to press, or fobs to open doors.

Inside the library is a familiar sight! I might have been in a different place doing a prayer space with a different group of people but as I walked it was clear that it was a prayer space…much like any other that I had been involved in before. There were a few different stations, but all had the same kinds of focuses as in England.  By this point I am really looking forward to seeing how the prayer space works in Guernsey, there has only been one prayer space done before and I had seen how it works in England and was intrigued as to how it would work here!

Each activity was explain to me, so I knew what was to be done at each station. Due to us using quite a small space, and the fact that we only had 30 minutes with each group, we decided the class would be split in to small groups and would be led around to the different stations by an adult.   The first class walked in and the first thing I noticed was that they were sooooo quiet, the second thing I noticed was that they were nearly all boys. This was the same for every class that we saw. I actually couldn’t believe how well behaved and polite all of the children were, there was definitely a different atmosphere than that of the schools in England.

As I took each of my groups around the prayer space, it was lovely to see how excited the kids were, they were soo looking forward to this and couldn’t wait to move on to each activity. It was lovely to see how serious most of the children were taking the whole experience. One station allowed children to think about worries that they have whilst holding a stone, they then place them worries in to the hands of God. It was soo moving to watch the children as they really thought seriously about those worries that they have. It was also sad to hear their response when asked if they had any worries, so many of them would reply that they had lots. At 7 years old surely children should have lots of serious things that they worry about?!?!?!?

There are so many stories that I could share and it’s hard to know which ones to mention.  Something that we did in this school which I have never done in the prayer spaces in England, was to have a gold treasure box and inside the box was a mirror. Before showing the kids we would ask them who is special to them, and who they think is special to God. One at a time we would then let them open the box, so they can see who else is special to God.  It really was beautiful to watch their faces as they realise that THEY are special. Watching some faces it was almost as if they had never heard that before, some of the children were embarrassed to see themselves in the box.  

I think it was easy to look at these children and think wow I bet they have a lot of things, they live in a nice area, go to a posh school, probably live in a big house and think surely they are happy in life. I’ll admit I’m guilty of thinking these things, but spending time with the children I realised that ok, they may have that posh life that people dream of, but it doesn't mean life is easy and perfect. I realise that although issues may be different than those of the kids in England that we have met through schools work, there are still issues!! It may be that their parents work 24-7 in order to provide what they feel is the best for their children. Perhaps because of this families break down, as more focus is put on work than family. Or maybe the kids are put under loads more pressure from parents to be perfect. The amount of children that said they were worrying about music exams was crazy. I’m not saying its wrong to make your children do exams, but is it right to put so much pressure on them to succeed that they are constantly worrying, that they won’t make the grade?! That they are not good enough?!  And perhaps they may have all the toys, DS’s, laptops, and ipods they want…but  not knowing, hearing or feeling that they are special is so much more damaging than them not getting what they want!!!! By no means am I say that this is how many of the children where in this school….I honestly don’t know…but it just made me think and also made me realise at how quick I was to judge.

Another moment that sticks in my mind is a girl in one of the groups I was taking round. At every station she would pray out loud, in front of friends without any worries about what they would think. At one point she told me that she loved God, she prayers every night before she goes to bed and that, she was probably the best Christian in her family, as well...there not really Christians. When we went in to the quiet area, she stated, I will say the blessing for everyone, got all of her friends to bow their heads and prayed for them all!  

Lastly, the place where I noticed the biggest difference was when I took each group in to the quite Zone, after explaining that they could spend some time there talking to God, no word of a lie…95% of the children I took in closed their eyes and prayed there little hearts out.  Even if they didn’t pray out loud, just by watching their faces it was clear to see that they really were taking it seriously, and that in that moment they really had grasped the opportunity to talk to God.

The whole experience was beautiful; Becky is currently in discussions with another school about doing a prayer space there. I am so excited about getting involved with another.

            I love that God let me have the opportunity to be a part of Prayer Spaces in Guernsey! 

Finally (I really mean it this time) here is some feedback that the prayer spaces received, so moving and so makes you see how valuable this prayer movement is.

Healing on the Streets

As part of the internship I am doing, it was suggested that we completed the Healing on the Streets Training, I’m not going to lie…when it was suggested I wasn’t really sure about it. But when I started at Church on The Rock I had said that I would give everything a go to begin with and then decided which things I felt God was really calling me to be involved in! The closer the weekend training got the more nervous I became! To be honest I didn’t really know how HOTS worked or how they do what they do…but I did know it involved going out on to the streets and praying for people to be healed!! This is NOT something I have done before or something that I thought I would feel comfortable doing! 

So last Friday and Saturday, the training began!!  I was nervous!! I had heard of Healing on the Streets before, but I didn’t really know what was involved, I didn’t really know what they do or how they go about their ministry. Even though I didn’t know any of this, I had been quick to make a judgement…before the training had even started I was thinking that I didn’t really want to be part of the team, I would do the training and that would be it! I was quick to prejudge what the teams did, I assumed they go out on to the streets, convince people who need healing to come and sit on a chair and then pray they get healed, which is partly what they do but its not done in the forceful way that I thought it might have been, and that definitely  is not all that they do.

 I guess one of the things that I didn’t really agree with (not that I could disagree with it as I didn’t actually know) was that ok people may get healed but, then what…did this make them become a Christian there and then…probably not…was there any relationship built that means that the people being healed had someone they could talk to about what had happen, someone who they could ask question an who could encourage them…I didn’t know but I assumed not.( However I was later informed that many of the same people come past every week! The team have built relationships with people in the town! )

Friday night we started the training, we started with worship and then members of the team told us about healing on the streets…it’s quickly became apparent that I had been wrong, there really is more to this then I thought! The more the team spoke, the more I realised that in fact the healing is only a small part of what they do. What they see as being even more important than the healing is to be able to have the chance to tell people that God loves them!! And THAT is soooo important; some people may never have heard that before, some people may have never heard that anyone loves them before.

 

The training continued on the Saturday, the team explained how the Healing on the Streets is actually done. They explained how before they start the gather together, pray and wait for God presence, they then spend two hours in the town talking to people, telling them about what they do and offering to pray for people.  Before they start to pray for a person, they introduce themselves, kneel down in front of the person, look them straight in the eyes and from their hearts tell of how much God loves the person on the chair, how special and important they are. And having a chance to do that is sooo incredible.

The more the team talked and the more I understood, the more I began to see what an amazing thing the team does. Each week they commit to going out in to the town, come rain or shine and help people to see and experience the love and peace of God. Many people don’t often get to hear that they are love, some people don’t have anyone that they can talk to, some people need to see a miracle. When people sit on that chair in St Peters Port, many get a real sense of Gods peace…these people may not have felt at peace of years yet in that moment that they sit down, they get it, they rest! 

Sometimes people don’t get healed…sometimes they do, the team do not know why that is and I guess it is not for us to ask.God know what he is doing, God also knows why that person sat in the chair, he knows what they needs. Someone with a broken leg could sit down, and we could assume that that is what needs healing, when actually they really need to hear that they are special that day! Or perhaps they just need to feel at peace after having a stressful few weeks. God know what he is doing, God doesn’t need us to heal people, and he doesn’t need us to be providing that thing for that person, he can do it himself…BUT he WANTS us to be part of it. God calls us in to a partnership, he likes to do things with us, he doesn’t need to he wants to. And at times we probable get in the way and make things harder, but God doesn’t mind that we mess things up or get it wrong or don’t do things very well, He loves that we can do it together! God likes to use us and when we take that step of faith to do something for him, God meets us there!! Sometimes he is just waiting for us to make a move.  

One of the team members was explaining how some weeks they will have a steady flow of people come and sit on the chairs and other weeks they have none, they didn’t really understand why this was…but God spoke to them and said that it is about obedience…Stepping out it faith, doing something a little out of their comfort zone, to show they are willing to be used because and God wants them to be part of something special. It is not about the outcome but it is about being obedient to what God has called us to do.

On Saturday afternoon we went out  to use what we had been taught….I’m going to be honest I did not feel comfortable kneeling on the floor, in a circle, with 10 other people, in the town centre on a Saturday afternoon. I also found it quite hard to look someone I didn’t know in the eyes…BUT it did feel good to be doing something…to be taking a step of faith, to being able to share Gods love with other people and being there for people who just need to talk, cry or rest. We didn’t see any healing during the 2 hours we were out, but we did see people experiencing God. And that is what it is all about!!!!

Bonfires and christmas trees

So the past few weeks have been rather interesting! I have been so busy and have been trying to write this blog for a while and just haven’t had the time to sit down and do it! I’ve experienced a whole mix of emotions and feel like I have spent very little time at home with the Cornwall’s (although they have all been quite ill and I have managed to avoid the bug, so maybe it paid of not being here so much)

view from where we had the bonfire

I have now been in Guernsey for almost four weeks and I officially have a new found respect for people that move to a new place, especially those who go on their own, not knowing anyone at all! Having been here a month now, it’s odd…you can meet lots of people, but still not actually know people. I now realise how often it is taken for granted that you are surrounded by people you know, how friendships are also unappreciated. You don’t realise until you are out of the situation, how easy and natural it is to walk up to a group of people that you know well and join in with a conversation, or  to walk up to a person and start a conversation. When you’re not it a situation where you can do that, it feel strange and you realise what you used to have…the Sunday before last the church held a bonfire event for the local community, the bonfire was in a park overlooking the sea….it was beautiful! BUT everyone knew everyone… I may know the names of some people and may have told them how I came to Guernsey and what I’m doing here, but I’m not going to lie, its felt sooo strange to just walk up to a group of people that are already friends, its feels like you’re getting in the way, or you’re a hassle because everything has to be explained to you because you don’t know about the thing they are talking about! and by no means am I saying that people here are not very welcoming!! I have felt soooo welcomed and excepted by people, I just think it is so easy forget what it’s like to be a new person coming in to a group! I know that I am guilty of doing it myself, when you’re in your own group of friends, it’s so easy to forget as you chat and laugh together that there may be someone who doesn’t feel like they can walk up to the group and join in…even though they group would think that it is absolutely fine!

However as the week went on, things changed a bit and I spent the rest of the week meeting with people and eating out J On Monday night I was invited to have dinner with a couple in the church before a meeting we were having! On Tuesday I was able to meet with Michele, a beautiful woman of God who is soo excited to do some 24-7 prayer things, we were able to talk together and just share our thoughts and feeling, not only about prayer but we were also able to talk about life in Guernsey! Wednesday I was invited out for lunch with a girl I met at the bonfire night…and on Saturday night  I had been invited to an engagement party…before the party I was nervous…I actually contemplated not going…but when I thought about it more I realised that actually if I want to feel comfortable around the people here this would probably be a pretty good way to start! And you know…I actually really enjoyed myself…for some reason it felt different, maybe I was more relaxed, or maybe more open…I don’t know…but I was able to chat with people and feel accepted! 

I actually had a really good week! I loved feeling comfortable here, and feeling part of the church and part of Guernsey!

just a little side note…so I knew when I came to Guernsey I had to be prepared to get stuck in to anything that was thrown my way, but I did not expect…

putting out the fire

to be putting out the bonfire with tiny cups of stolen water, out of stolen wheelie bins!

to be crawling round the floor picking up the rubbish left from the fireworks 

to go to B and Q and by 12 Christmas trees

to be kneeling on the floor in the middle of the town center praying for people